Resentment Quiz Part 1

Rather than focus on improving communication skills or helping a couple resolve a specific problem, I concentrate on two separate areas.  The first is helping couples to understand the resentment that each feels and what behaviors generated these feelings to begin with.  The way that I determine the degree of resentment and what our partner does that generates that resentment is to have them complete the Dorman Resentment Rating Scale.

The Dorman Resentment Rating Scale

5 = Extreme resentment, almost constant anger or frustration

4 = Resentful thoughts on almost a daily basis

3 = Moderate resentment

2 = Occasional frustration or resentment

1 = Minimal resentment

0 = No resentment

____ 1. Working too many hours, too much focus on work related issues (even when at home).

____ 2. Too much focus on friends.

____ 3. Not enough physical intimacy.

____ 4. Too much focus on sports or hobbies such as______________.

____ 5. Too much focus on the children.

____ 6. Not enough attention.

____ 7. Treated in a disrespectful manner.

____ 8. Pressure to perform sexually.

____ 9. Always angry, anger management issues.

____10. Money management problems, spending money “we don’t have.”

____11. Parenting problems, disagreement over parenting styles.

____12. Lack of intimacy (i.e., no interest in talking, “I don’t feel emotionally connected to you.”).

____13. Addiction to gambling, pornography, eating, or ___________.

____14. Lack of trust, lying.

____15. Infidelity or affair.

____16. Making decisions unilaterally / Not making decisions as a couple.

____17. Inability to resolve differences, lack of conflict resolution skills.

____18. Unfair distribution of chores or work around the house.

____19. “I feel betrayed because when we got married, I thought it was going to be different.”

____20. Manipulative or controlling (i.e. things have to be, “their way.”)

____21. ‘Bitching’, nagging, restating things several times.

____22. Game playing.

____23. Never says what they really want (“I have to guess what you really want or what’s bugging you.”).

____24. Too passive (“I have to make all the decisions”) or too assertive (“they always have to wear the pants.”).

 

__________Total Points